Life Hacks Are A Distraction From The Real Reasons You’re Not Successful

Confessions of a Former Life Hack Junkie

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Looks like my old coffee table — Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

Oops… those should be “I” statements.

Sound familiar?

Now, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight…

I realize I couldn’t apply all the great ideas from my business/productivity books and seminars because the voice of my inner saboteur was working against me the whole time.

  • As soon as I reached a decent level of success with a job, I found some way to sabotage myself. I was among the first to be laid off in a business downturn, or fired outright several times.
  • I was unable to build the long-term, trusting business relationships characteristic of highly successful people.
  • I didn’t trust men. I viewed them as aggressive competitors for my money, my job, and women. I projected my untrustable inner message on every other man.
  • I didn’t feel worthy of the love of a wonderful, stable woman — so I attracted women who held similar limiting messages in their subconscious mind. Relationships started out great but later devolved into distrust, bitterness, and fear of intimacy.
  • I was unable to create long-term, loving, safe, and trusting relationships with my partners and children.
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And then — after 30 years of apparent success — my whole life broke down.

I had an affair, my wife discovered it and confronted me, and I denied it. She threw me out of our home and divorced me. Then my (married) girlfriend found another man she liked better and left me. I got fired from my job (again) as a result of a long-running dispute with my boss.

It felt like everything — knowledge, experience, love — that had sustained my so-called success for 30 years no longer worked. Life no longer seemed to have any meaning. I took on the demeanor of a victim of life, and I idealized suicide daily.


I’ll skip the gory details of the next few painful months. But eventually, I was guided to a transformational men’s weekend training — my first-ever experience with emotional exploration work. It was billed as a men’s rites of passage. I had no idea what emotional exploration was, nor rites of passage. I resisted going but finally gave in due to a friend's promptings.


Following the weekend, in weekly circles of ManKind Project (MKP) men over several years I uncovered and worked toward healing most of those self-limiting messages — with other mens’ support and encouragement. Peeling back layer after layer of inner shit, and transcending it in deeply vulnerable emotional exploration that has yielded tangible results in every aspect of my life. Now:

  • I have mutually-trusting, authentic, and meaningful relationships with men and women throughout the world.
  • I trust everyone — men and women — until and unless their actions demonstrate they’re not worthy of receiving my trust.
  • I am in the most wonderful relationship of my life with a woman whose joy and inner/outer beauty resonates with me and everyone who meets her. We have built a deeply safe and trusting relationship for over five years. I adore and admire her just as she is, with no need to manipulate or change her one bit. I’m certain this is my last relationship.
  • My life is abundant. Money, lifestyle, love, meaningful dialogs and relationships, fun, and adventure. I can’t imagine how my life could get better — and yet it seems to magically keep doing so.

I’m not special.

My life took a turn for the better when I quit looking outside myself for quick fixes — Life Hacks and productivity tips — and started exploring my inner world instead.

Permanent American expat. Serious hiker. Personal growth junkie. Spiritual activist. Cheerleader for the best in you, and me. More at

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